Attitude

the traps of fossils and fads

I suspect we’ve all known people who cling to youth long after youth is gone. Those middle agers who wear clothes currently in fashion with college students, hang out in clubs, are inordinately proud of how up to date they are, get their nose pierced with their teenage daughter to show how cool they are, etc. It’s silly and sparks mid-life crisis jokes, but overall tends to be harmless.

I suspect the opposite is actually more dangerous. Those who get stuck in time and fossilize prematurely. They cling to the world that existed when they were coming of age. Anything new after that date is feared, ridiculed, shunned. Every year the world becomes more black/white, right/wrong, good/bad. It’s like their brains crystalize and they are unable or unwilling to adapt past a certain point.

This carries over into the organizational level. There are leaders who jump on every latest trend and fad of the moment only to quickly discard it for the next-and-better trend and fad of the moment. They adopt an approach before it’s proven and then toss it aside before it has a chance to work. And… there are the leaders who believe that whatever worked when they first became a manager still works today and they aren’t about to get suckered into using any of this newfangled stuff.

This isn’t a young vs old, Generation Up and Coming vs Generation Soon to Retire issue. People can be cynical beyond their years or in a desperate short attention span search for new and trending at any age. So can teams, departments, and organizations.  HR is guilty of both, but I suspect that these extremes exist in all fields.

I started off wondering which extreme is worse, but realized that it doesn’t matter. Neither extreme is very useful, helpful, or fun to be around. The bigger question is how do we benefit from the new, evolving, and experimental without needlessly abandoning the approaches that do work (or work well enough for now)? How do we dodge the equally dangerous traps of the latest fads and that’s-how-we’ve-always-done-it?

easy or great?

It’s been said that you become like the five people you spend the most time with. Is that good news?

Did the last person you hire make you think, “Man, I’m going to have to raise my game! I love being around people who inspire my best!” OR did you think, “I’m glad that slot’s filled. Next.”

The people you’re filling the company with – the people you’re surrounding yourself with – are pulling you up or dragging you down. There is no neutral, there is no holding steady – they are forcing you to be better or letting you slack. Do you go for easy and comfortable or do you go for greatness?

committed? are you sure?

How committed are you? To your job? To your personal mission? To the things you must accomplish in this life? How committed are you really?

We’re told we should choose a career that we love so much we’d do it even if we didn’t get paid. That’s a pretty high level of commitment and passion right there. We all want to do something we love, something that has meaning for us. But what if what you loved required you to risk incarceration? Death? That necessitated carrying firearms just to get to the job? That still paid almost nothing, if anything at all? That was so outside the norm that you were the only one in the entire country doing it and you were blazing the trail with almost every action?

That’s pretty rough. Let’s up it a little: would you go into exile for your passion? Would you leave friends, family, and everything you knew behind to go be a second-class citizen in another country just so you could “follow your bliss”?

This weekend I watched the 2007 documentary Heavy Metal in Baghdad about Iraq’s first (only?) metal band Acrassicauda and saw a glimpse into what relentless obsession looks like. The movie is a fascinating look at Baghdad in 2005/06. It’s not about soldiers, politicians, ideologies, right, or wrong. It’s not even really about heavy metal. It’s about the struggle of a group of 20-somethings just trying to have a band and make some music against the backdrop of daily life in Baghdad. What would be a normal – mundane, even – activity for college-aged youth in the US becomes a hero’s quest where hopes and dreams wrestle against the hopelessness of daily violence and chaos.

They suffer more for their dreams than I could ever go through here. I highly recommend the DVD to see the level of commitment they demonstrate.

After watching, I came away wondering how I could up my passion to that level. How can I tap into the human need that’s fueling them to carry on? How can I bring the noise like they do? How can I play that big with the things that are important in my life? How much would I, could I, truly risk?

just show up

“80% of success is just showing up.” ~ Woody Allen

 

“Did you get out and run this morning?” The guy at the gym locker next to mine knew I often liked to get out and run through the neighborhood in the morning.

I told him I had. But admitted I’d been lazy and hadn’t run much this past month but was enjoying getting back in the groove.

“It happens.” He said. “I’ve been pretty uninspired the past couple of weeks, too. I just keep coming in. The hardest part is just getting here.”

Such a great perspective. I had gotten out of the habit and slacked off. He had some less than great workouts but showed up daily. Any guesses to who is better off? He’s maintaining while I’m rebuilding.

This morning’s conversation serves as a great reminder that work and life is going to be tough sometimes. We won’t be able to fine the new employees we want, we won’t know how to deal with the employees we have, passion and joy will be replaced by gutting out another day, we’ll forget our vision and inspiration and start watching the clock. It happens.

It’s so easy to back off, so easy to justify, and so valuable when we don’t. Keep coming in. Keep the habit going. The hardest part is just showing up.

that thing

It’s out there.

On the corner of your desk, under a stack of papers, stuffed in a drawer. Or maybe it’s just written on one of many “to do” lists.

It’s “that thing”. That thing you’ve been meaning to get to. That thing you need to get done. That thing that keeps getting placed just below the daily priorities. That thing that’s been hanging out there a while.

Sure you’ve got your reasons (excuses!) for not getting it done, but who cares? That thing is still not finished. Maybe you don’t know where to start. Maybe you’re not sure how to finish it. Or maybe you know exactly what to do and simply don’t enjoy it. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. It’s still not done.

But that’s yesterday’s unfinished results. Today is fresh. Today is open possibility. Today is time for a decision: to do or not to do. Take it off the list forever undone or make it happen? Only you know for sure.

Decide. Act. Move forward.

Today.

stuck in yesterday: why is change so hard?

“You can’t get to who you’re meant to be tomorrow clinging to who you were yesterday.” ~ Robin Sharma (@_robin_sharma)

We want different results. We want to be a better leader, better networker, better at communication, better at managing our time, better, better , better. So we take classes and we read books and we get excited about the possibilities. It all sounds like it could really work and we can’t wait to get started.

And then…

We don’t. We don’t change. We wonder what’s wrong with ourselves. Why can’t we do this? Why is change so difficult?

Lots of reasons, really. Two of the biggest barriers are simply habit and our routines.

We have spent a lifetime building the habits that support our status quo. Twenty, thirty, forty plus years of habit rarely change after a class or a book. It rarely changes after a week of intense focused effort. It takes much more time and effort to truly replace one habit with another to the point where the new habit is completely reflexive.

We have also completely and entirely set up our lives to support us EXACTLY as we are right now. Our routines, processes, physical environment, etc. are all perfectly designed to maintain things just as they are. As an example, something as simple as eating healthier would probably require shopping differently – buying different food from different sections of the store, maybe even shopping a different store. Then it would likely require changing your routine so you had time to plan and prepare a day’s worth of food and snacks. Do you do it the night before, get up earlier, spend most of Sunday making meals for the week? And so on. None of it is impossible – it’s all pretty simple stuff – but if we don’t plan for it and realize that we need to change the routines that support our habits then pretty soon we’re eating fast food and snacking out of the vending machines again.

Or, if I truly want to become a better leader or better in my job, then I’ll need to create time to study, plan, think, reflect. I’ll need to seek feedback, evaluate it, and modify my plans accordingly. I’ll need to either invent extra time during the day (time is finite, so what am I going to give up?) or get better at time management or change my priorities and focus. It’s all completely possible and may not even be that hard, but it will require changing up routines and habits.

Personal change isn’t as easy as the infomercials suggest, but recognizing the difficulties and preparing for them makes it that much easier to avoid staying stuck in yesterday.

make it pretty, make it exceptional, make it extraordinary

“Hand me that drill again, I want to make this pretty.”

Yesterday, I got my first filling. The dentist had already drilled the cavity and was about to do the filling, but something had caught his eye. As he took the drill from his assistant, he said to me, “This is just for me, no one will ever see it.” Then he corrected the minor detail he’d seen.

At that moment, I knew he was my favorite dentist and I’d happily recommend him to others. He is a craftsman. Someone who cares enough to do the job right, even when he’s the only one who will know the difference.

Would I have known if he didn’t “make it pretty”? Nope. Isn’t good enough good enough? Why waste time on details that don’t matter? Hold on there, I never said the details don’t matter, only that I wouldn’t know the difference.

What if he hadn’t drilled more? What if he had said, “Yeah, I think that’s good enough. No one will ever see it.”

I read an article about Steve Jobs a few months back that talked about how he obsessed with making the inside of the computer as simple and elegant as the outside. When you worry about the things no one will ever see, is it any surprise that what they do see is exceptional?

Being the craftsman, approaching it from a mastery standard, making the unseen as elegant as the seen often takes little to no more time. And you never have to worry about having to go back in and do it again. You never have to worry if it’s “good enough”. In fact, it takes a lot more time and energy to do something to the bare minimum standard and have to keep reworking it to get it good enough than to just do it right from the very start.

This applies to all jobs. A couple years back I bought a new-ish car from a dealer and ended up in a knock-down-drag-out negotiation over whether or not the dealer would provide us with a second key. If they are willing to cut corners and kill the customer experience over a key, where else are they cutting corners that I can’t see?

There’s a great lesson here: they eventually gave in and gave us a key, but it took so much effort that I’m still bitter two years later and will never, ever, not even at gunpoint buy from them again. Like the dentist, it would have taken no more effort to do it right (less even) for the sake of doing it right than to do it poorly to see how much they can get away with. They could have made it a great experience and would have made more money off of goodwill, referrals, and the opportunity to sell me another car. But they chose not to. And it still cost them the key.

It really comes down to taking pride in your work, all of your work. People usually won’t notice when something is done above and beyond right, but they will notice when it isn’t. Would you notice that all the staples in a document packet were aligned the same? No, but you would notice if the documents had been stapled and re-stapled, if the ends of the staples snag your hands, or if the document had so many holes in the corner it looked like it had been mauled by an angry badger. Silly example, but very true.

What’s this look like at your job? How quickly do you return calls? How thorough and well written are your emails? How prepared are you for meetings? Do you treat your customers like you would want to be treated? Do you smile and say hello to everyone? Do you help out those who aren’t in a position to return the favor? Do you try to be exceptional or do you try to get by?

The people and companies that get this are the ones that really stand out. Those that don’t tend to be the ones wondering why they don’t get ahead.

Little things matter. Good enough isn’t.

run what ya brung

It was his first time sparring in front of judges and the first of his age group to compete and my son wasn’t faring well. His opponent, the eventual second-place finisher, was clearly experienced with martial arts tournaments, knew what was expected, and was significantly taller. With about 8 extra inches of legs, his competitor had a large advantage and knew how to use it. My son made a great attempt, but there would be no trophy for him.

If it were a movie, he would have won against the odds and earned the respect of his mortal enemy while learning to appreciate true friendship, etc., etc. In real life, he was just a slightly overwhelmed six year old trying his best and probably wishing he were somewhere else.

We all have different strengths and weaknesses. No matter how hard we try, we may never fully get rid of weaknesses or be able to learn or develop to the level of other people’s strengths. We’re not all 6’ tall, we don’t all have 150 IQs, we don’t all start life with a nice trust fund, we haven’t all been to an Ivy League school. Yes, life is not fair. Agreed. Move on.

It’s cliché to say, but it doesn’t matter where we start or what our innate limitations are. Not because with enough heart and perseverance we can create a Hollywood ending. No, that’s the happy myth we are routinely sold.

It doesn’t matter because there isn’t a thing we can do about it. NOTHING. We cannot change our starting point. So not much use putting any thought into it.

The more important question is: What are you going to do about it? How can you use your strengths, weaknesses, and the package of brains and heart and talent and interests and life experience that is you to your advantage?

 

 

the paradox of letting go

Jason Lauritsen did a post on the idea of letting go that really resonated for me. I strongly recommend dropping by his blog and reading it. He did a great bringing to the forefront some ideas and issues that have been kicking around in my own mind for quite a while. This post is a result of the ideas Jason sparked.

I can’t control everything. I know this. I mean, I know this in an intellectual sort of way. I have a much more difficult time knowing it on an emotional level. I “know”, but I don’t always “do”. I can explain, but I don’t always act accordingly.

Four decades and a couple of years of life lessons have taught me that the more I try to control, the smaller I must play. Playing bigger means going out beyond my comfort zones into the fields of the unproven, unknown, and uncertain. Scary stuff out there. To stay out there very long I’d have to accept a lack of control – to feel out of control – and trust beyond myself. To stay inside the mental fences I’ve staked out and patrolled and have complete control over is very, very comfortable. Yet, I can never play bigger. And playing bigger is really, really important to me.

I read a quote the other day. I can’t remember who said it, but the gist was: If you know how to accomplish your dreams, you’re not dreaming big enough. That’s it! Control reins my dreams in because it forces them to be small enough to understand and plan out.

Playing bigger, bigger, bigger requires letting go. It means accepting and allowing the freakingscary sized dream and committing to it and taking it on anyway. No detailed planning. Not even a full understanding of what the dream can grow to be yet. Only a direction.

*          *          *

The lesson I keep coming back to and re-learning has been said by many people in many ways. It is simply to focus on purpose rather than outcome. Outcome is about control. It’s holding on tight. It’s about insisting on results that I may not have total control over. It is actually debilitating, because it limits me to what I think I’m capable of rather than opening me up to the potential I’m truly capable of.

Think of it this way. It would be focusing on results if I were to enter a marathon with the goal of winning. And it would be ridiculous and frustrating. But I’ve got to have goals, you say? There’s no way I can control or even influence the drive, genetics, training, and experience of other runners. But I can choose to focus on purpose. I can choose to focus on being the best runner I can be; being prepared, rested, having fun, and pushing beyond my previous times.

No matter how much it looks like it, the race is never against others. Only with myself. I can never be the world’s best writer, speaker, facilitator, husband, dad, etc. But I can be the best writer, speaker, facilitator, husband, dad, etc I can possibly be today. I can pour my heart into everything, not knowing where it is going but seeing where it takes me.

Everyday.