Attitude

innovation paradox

There is a huge paradox when it comes to change and innovation. Those have the most knowledge and perspective and who should be leading the charge and often the least likely to raise the innovation banner.

The people with a vested interest in the status quo (whether intellectual, emotional, financial, etc.) will argue the loudest and longest against change. Oddly enough, it’s the professional organizations, trade magazines ,  leaders in the field, etc. who seem to scream the most against the innovations that could actually improve the field. Rather than pushing for improvement, they have a vested interest and deep understanding for how things are and a very limited appreciation for how things could be. Or soon will be.

The problem for them (and any of us resisting change) is that no matter how loud of tantrums they throw, no matter how much they try to legislate, regulate, and block change, the rest of the world goes about its business and soon leaves them behind, arguing amongst themselves.

Denial is not a change strategy. We can find ways to get ahead of and benefit from the change or we can get drug along behind. Our choice.

life balance defined

Life balance. I discussed 4 common myths and what it isn’t the other day. Now, it’s worth taking a look at what it is.

My definition:  life balance is the process of actively creating fulfillment in every major area of our lives: career, family, relationships, spirituality, health, hobbies, finances, etc.

The common definition seems to be: working less. When we’re overworked or stressed, we say we need more life balance and what we mean is we want less work. But working less doesn’t automatically balance our lives. If we’re overworked, working less will free up some time that we could use to find better balance, but that is neither automatic nor guaranteed.

I suspect that when most of us think of a balanced life we think of it as not having pain in any of the major areas. Yeah, that’s a start, but avoiding pain contracts and shrinks our lives while seeking fulfillment expands and opens our lives up. No pain vs fulfillment sounds similar, but it’s the difference between not starving and having plenty to eat, of not being poor and being financially secure, of not having enemies and having lots of friends, of never getting emotionally hurt and connecting deeply with the important people in your life, of not being ill and being vibrantly healthy, and so on. It is the difference between surviving and living.

This means that life balance is:

  • Dependent on you knowing what you find fulfilling. Life balance is about creating fulfillment, so if you don’t know what fulfills you it’s going to be really, really hard to create balance. When we don’t know what would be fulfilling we default to avoiding pain.
  • Different for everyone. We are all fulfilled by different things so be cautious about trying to imitate another’s life balance choices. They might work for you, but they might not.
  • Never finished. Balance is a dynamic process that is always shifting and changing. There is no finish line, there is no “done”. It is always subject to change as we face new circumstances and life events.
  • Dependent on opportunity costs and tradeoffs. We can’t spend 24 hours a day on each aspect of our lives so the key is knowing how much time and effort we need to give to each area and when.
  • All about priority management. Creating balance requires effectively managing our time and priorities.

The big questions are:

  • What are your priorities?
  • What would fulfillment look like in each major area of your life?
  • What would you need to do to create that?
  • Why is that important to you? Is it really, truly so important that you’re willing to do what it takes to get there, or does it just sound cool? Choose the things that matter to you so much you’re willing to work to get them.

I suspect I’m overcomplicating it. Life balance is simple (not easy; never easy). Be clear on what you want from life and what yo’re willing to do (and what you’re willing to forego) in order to get it. Then go do it.

wisdom of the ages

As I rapidly approach middle age, I’ve noticed that I have collected some core beliefs, lessons, and philosophies over the years. If you stand next to me long enough, you’ll hear me say all of these things. From my experience, they are universal and apply across cultures, gender, race, industries, etc. That said, your mileage may vary, use at your own risk, etc.

It’s all about priorities. This explains ALL human behavior. We all have different priorities, but behave in ways that support our highest priorities. Even when someone’s behavior is completely inexplicable, rest assured they are honoring their most sacred priorities.

Everyone needs a hobby. We all need activities that bring us joy, excitement, and pleasure. For some it’s mountain biking or scrapbooking or watching football or music. For others, it’s gossiping, creating drama, putting others down, playing the victim, etc.

I have reasons, other people have excuses. That’s the difference between a reason and an excuse, but really I just have excuses. I use this as a reminder that even though my explanations make complete sense to me, they are really only excuses. To quote the great Mark Twain: “There are a thousand excuses for failure, but not a single good reason.”

Imperfect action beats perfect inaction. Perfectionism destroys more than it creates. This is a lesson I keep learning over and over. In most cases it’s far, far better to take action, notice what’s not working, make corrections, and keep going than it is to wait until I’m 100% certain of everything before moving forward.

Some things are better to have done than to do. I learned this during a long, sometimes grueling backpacking trip through the Sierra Nevada mountains. Although it was very difficult doing it and there were quite a few stretches when I really wanted to quit, I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. But really, this applies to any situation where we are deferring gratification and enduring in the short term to gain in the long term.

The #1 leadership secret is… there are no leadership secrets. All leadership is on display and any of us could quickly compile a list of traits of our best and worst bosses. Interestingly, those lists would be remarkably similar, even going across industry and culture. Want to be a great leader? Do what your best managers did, don’t do what your worst managers did, and you’ll be off to a really great start.

The best ideas in the world are worthless, until the moment they are put into action. Theory is nice and pleasant and fun. Application is what changes the world. Action without thought is counterproductive, but thought without action is meaningless.

So what wisdom would you add to the list?

my first triathlon: getting out of my own way

I was going back over some old writing and came across something that holds true even after six years. It’s a bit long, but a significant part of my journey. Perhaps you can relate to the idea of getting out of your own way:

 

I recently entered and finished my first triathlon. It was a short distance event so I was confident that I could finish as long as I didn’t push myself too hard early on, but I had no way to judge how well I would do. An hour thirty-nine minutes and some seconds later I finished a strong third in my age group, only two seconds out of second place and three or so minutes from first. I’m not sure I can convey in words how pleased I was with my finish or how pleased I was that I was pleased. You see, in the past I would have had a much different attitude about the event and about my results.

 

There are several lessons I take from my success in this event that have strong parallels in success in the rest of my life.

 

  1. I entered. This may sound minor, but was a huge step. I am a semi-reformed perfectionist and would not have entered a triathlon even a short time ago. The philosophy of “if you are going to do something, do it right” was often distorted in my mind to “if you can’t do something right, don’t do it.” I had not swam in 20 years and was not good at it way back when. To enter this event I had to let go of my perfectionist ideals, accept where my skills were, and take responsibility for developing my skills.
  2. I gave myself time to prepare. Once I make a decision I typically want to follow through on it RIGHT THEN. Instead, I selected an event that was several months out to give myself time to properly prepare.
  3. I did not over-train. In the months between deciding to do a triathlon and the actual event I did a lot of traveling and working and was quite ill for a couple of weeks. In the past I would have compensated for this by pushing myself to the point of exhaustion and injury. This time, I created a flexible plan and stuck to that plan as well as I could and accepted when I couldn’t.
  4. I allowed time to taper and recover. “Tapering” is reducing the amount of exercise before an event to allow the body to rest and recover. A comment by a former world-class triathlete resonated for me: It’s better to be 10% under-trained than 1% over-trained. Instead of fretting and trying to get one more workout in, I took almost a week off before the event and then took off another week after to allow time to rest and recover. Previously, I would have exercised right up to and immediately after a race.
  5. I had no expectations – I focused on purpose, not outcome. Having never entered a triathlon meant that I had zero expectations for outcomes beyond doing my best and learning what I could.
  6. I enjoyed my results and did not get caught up in the misery of the perfectionist trap of “if only” and “I could/should have done better.” This learning is a fantastic milestone for my personal development. This is one of the first big events of my life that I did not dismiss, downplay, or even beat myself up because I could have done it better. Because anything can always be done better I have deprived myself of much joy and celebration over the years and it would have been very easy to kick myself over the two seconds between myself and second place. Instead I chose to look at the long-term learning rather than defining my life by one instance. Long-term, I gained some great knowledge that will serve me well in every triathlon from here on out.
  7. I compared myself to no one but myself. This is a big one because not too long ago I would have brooded over not being able to set the same time as the experts, nevermind other people in my age group. This time I was able to let go of all of that and enjoy the knowledge that I did my absolute best for the knowledge, ability, and experience that I currently have.

 

Connections to facilitation:

If you replace “triathlon” with “facilitation” (or almost anything that I’ve done) you get a pretty good snapshot of where I was as a facilitator even a year ago and where I am headed. I tended to:

  • Demand instant results from myself. There is a huge difference between setting challenging goals and expecting to meet those goals immediately without allowing time for growth, development, and learning.
  • Drive myself to frustration and exhaustion by over-preparing. While it is critical to be prepared and confident, I often undermined my confidence with 11th hour preparation and would enter the session feeling frazzled and off a roll.
  • Be very focused on outcome instead of purpose. I typically set artificial measures for myself and would forget about why I’m a facilitator, would neglect the joy of the experience, forget that it is a process and abuse myself when every participant didn’t have massive and immediate shifts. In being focused on outcomes I would see myself in degrees of weakness and get very frustrated that I was not immediately at the level of my mentors, nevermind their greater knowledge, ability, and experience.
  • Push myself in mind, body, and spirit by arriving at sessions weary from travel and over-preparation, giving it my all, and then arriving home exhausted and strung out on sugar and caffeine from trying to stay awake while traveling. I would then get about three hours of sleep and expect to immediately be in top form the next day.

 

In retrospect, it is easy to see how I was limiting myself, but the painful irony is that I got results. My perfectionism and drive created success, but several times in my life I’ve hit plateaus or even gone into decline because after reaching a certain point of success, the harder I push the more I limit myself and the worse I do so I compensate by pushing harder, which leads to stalling out and then a downward spiral. In other words, what made me successful at one level actually prevented future development and success.

 

I have been improving over time with letting go of my perfectionism and focus on outcome and my progress is really underscored for me with this triathlon. Going forward I’ll be focusing even more on:

  • My purpose and doing my best. By removing artificial measures and expectations I am much more likely to relax, have fun, and be at my best than if I stress over outcomes. Ironically, this will lead to much greater outcomes.
  • Having a specific plan and purpose for my development whenever I’m practicing rather than putting in time and practicing just to practice. Exercising (and resting and recovering) with focus and purpose creates much faster and more sustainable results and it stands to reason that the same is true with facilitation.
  • Having a specific plan and purpose for my development in each session.
  • Looking to my long-term results and development.
  • Treating each session like an athletic event by allowing time to taper and recover. I want to enter each session fresh and rested in mind, body, and spirit and then allow myself time to recover once I’m home again. Recovery may be a day off or could just be acknowledging that I won’t be at my best. After all, I might go for a bike ride the day after a triathlon but would not expect to break any personal records so why should I expect different from my ability to work?

 

One thing I know for sure is that I have not fully appreciated the depth of these realizations. Although I am excited about applying this learning I know that these are key lessons that I will continue to get at deeper and deeper levels. I welcome any insights about the shifts that you are experiencing as you become better and better in your own life.

 

life’s not fair

My son, 1st grader that he is, was moping along as we walked across a big parking lot to get something out of the car. Playfully I said, “C’mon son, head up shoulders back, walk like you’re going somewhere. Life’s good, let’s rock!”

“No, it’s not.” He responded. “Life’s not fair, so it can’t be good.” That kind of stopped me. Then I thought, how often do kids hear or tell each other that “life’s not fair” when they complain that they can’t get something they want? They hear it so much that there’s little reason for them to doubt it.

What I didn’t tell him, but he will start hearing more often is that perhaps life isn’t fair, but complaining about it doesn’t do any good and all any of us can do is start where we are and work with what we have.

Further, statistically speaking from a global perspective, life may not be fair and – like many of us – it’s probably not fair in his favor. Born in a first world country in a stable, educated, two-parent, gainfully employed household, healthy, attending a good school system, etc., etc., and etc. is, statistically speaking, a huge leg up on a large percentage of the world, and a decent head start  over even many of his peers. Heck, eating breakfast every morning will give a kid a statistical advantage.

Realistically, if you’re reading this you’re probably in the same boat in that you’re literate, have access to the internet, have a little free time, and likely aren’t spending your day struggling to find clean water or enough calories to keep you alive. The problems you face are at the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, not the bottom.

Interesting though, is that we tend to judge ourselves against people similar to us. This means that, we don’t compare ourselves with the entire planet, only the few people we know. We can be very well off comparatively (e.g., indoor plumbing, central heating, and air conditioning, reliable transportation, etc.) and feel very poor. Studies have shown that, illogical as it seems, people would rather make less overall money as long as they were doing slightly better than their peers. That is, we’d rather make $60,000 in a group where the average salary is $50,000 than make $70,000 in a group where the average salary is $80,000. We have a hard time understanding our absolute blessings, but are pretty astute at recognizing our comparative blessings.

Son, recognize your advantages, count your blessings and practice deep gratitude, and always, always strive to make the best of any situation. Life isn’t always fair. Everyone’s got issues, everyone’s got wounds, everyone’s fighting their own battles. Judge your success based on your own dreams, effort, and potential rather than comparing yourself others. You got it good, kid. Now go make it better.

And put your head up, shoulder’s back, and walk like you’re going somewhere.

 

 

read any good books lately?

I love books. One of my great frustrations in life is the knowledge that I will never be able to read (and reread) all the books I want to. No matter how deep the stack of “must reads” gets, I’m always looking for more. So, I thought I’d share my list of current reads and maybe a few favorites. There’s lots more I could have included (how could I skip Jim Rohn?!? – next time), but this is a good start.

 

Currently reading:

Adaptability: the art of winning in an age of uncertainty by Max McKeown (twitter: @maxmckeown). I’m a HUGE fan of Max McKeown. It frustrates me to no end that he is still relatively unknown in the States (that will change). I feel he’s one of the best at taking complex ideas and making them simple, practical, relevant, and important. I got so tired waiting for Adaptability to come out on paperback that I borrowed my wife’s e-reader and purchased it electronically. Well worth it.

Bounce: Mozart, Federer, Picasso, Beckham, and the Science of Success by Matthew Syed. In the vein of Talent is Overrated and Outliers. A nice reminder that talent and interest get you in the game, but passion and hard, hard work keep you there.

 

Next Up:

Degrees of Strength: The Innovative Technique to Accelerate Greatness by Craig Ross and Steven Vannoy (@rossbestever). The latest from the boys who did Stomp the Elephant in the Office: Put an End to the Toxic Workplace, Get More Done – and Be Excited About Work Again. Full disclaimer: I used to work with Craig and Steve and consider them important mentors in my life. They are also two of the most passionate people you’ll meet when it comes to transforming leaders and workplaces.

Dangerous Ideas: When Provocative Thinking Becomes Your Most Valuable Asset by Alf Rehn (@alfrehn). I haven’t read any of his books yet, but love the concept of the book and ideas he puts out on twitter. Can’t wait to read it.

 

Recently Read:

The Strategy Book by Max McKeown. I recently did a short review of this book here.

The Truth About Innovation by Max McKeown. From the back cover: “Innovation rocks. It rolls. It makes the world go round. In a definitive set of ‘home-truths,’ you’ll discover how to harness its power to increase creativity, collaboration and profit. Are you ready to change the world?” Yes, Max, I am. Thanks for helping.

Unshrink Yourself, Other People, Business, the World by (you guessed it!) Max McKeown. So, no I don’t know Max personally, have no stake in him selling more books, and do actually read books by other authors. However, I was so impressed by The Strategy Book that I immediately sought out other books by him and with each new book my enthusiasm only grows. He writes the books I wish I could write. Good, good stuff. This one is about destroying the myths that keep us small and prevent growing ourselves, those around us, business, and (yep) the world.

 

Long-Time Favorites:

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Combine the ideas in these two books from the 1930’s and very, very little new has been written since then. Most personal development and success books since can trace their roots back to these two books.

The Greatness Guide: 101 Lessons for Making What’s Good at Work and In Life Even Better by Robin Sharma (@_robin_sharma). I’ve read this book at least four times in as many years. Although he’s better known for The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, I feel this collection of short lessons (none of them more than about a page and a half long) is a far superior, more practical, and more motivating book.

It’s Called Work for a Reason: Your Success is Your Own Damn Fault! by Larry Winget (@larrywinget). He’s fun, down to earth, and doesn’t suffer victims or fools.

 

How about you? What are some books you’d recommend adding to my must read list?

status quo?

“If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?” – Robert Anthony

 

Belief fuels action and habit, which creates a hard to break cycle. The more we do something, the more it becomes habit and the more of a habit it is, the more we do it. This penetrates every aspect of our lives.

Mr. Anthony refers to beliefs and it’s easy to think he is only talking about belief with a capital ‘B’: God, morality, religion, etc. That makes the power of his comment easy to miss. We have beliefs about every aspect of our lives. We choose our actions based on what we think will make us happy and successful (or at least happier or more successful than other choices), if only in the short run.

How often do we hear (or say), “I have to do it this way” or “Everyone does it like this” or “That’s just the right way to do it”? How often do we overjustify our actions without bothering to consider other possibilities (remember: we don’t want the best way, we want our way to be best)? How often do we use our beliefs to justify playing the victim?

We can try to make changes, but if we don’t change our beliefs, the changes will never stick. We’ll never, ever lose weight if we think we’re doomed to be fat. We’ll never get rich if we believe we were born to a loser’s life. We’ll never make good leadership decisions fueled by inaccurate beliefs. Too many times it’s been said:

  • “I can’t fire them, they are over 40.”
  • “I have no control over my employees’ motivation because I can’t give raises.”
  • “HR won’t let me fire them.”
  • “They’re doing a poor job, but I can’t fire them because I can’t have that position empty.”
  • “I spoke with them about that once, but it didn’t change so I’ve just learned to live with it.”
  • “I’m not a pleaser, I just don’t like people to be mad at me, but that’s ok, because no one does.”

Change the belief, change the action, change the result. Keep the belief, take the same action, get the same result. Your call.

schisms and divisions for fun and profit?

Us humans seem to really like dividing the world into “us” vs “them”. It is a simple way of dealing with otherwise complex relationships and I assume that it is a survival mechanism developed in the foggy mists of time when anyone outside of the immediate family/tribe/clan had to be thought of as enemy.

A few years back I was having a business dinner in Germany with a rising star of a company where I was facilitating a  leadership development program. We were very similar in age, family status, etc. It was unsettling to think that if we lived closer to each other we could have probably been good friends and if we’d been born a few generations prior we would have been blood enemies. Divisions of arbitrary geography.

Yet, even when we remove survival or the geographical politics of war, it seems as though we strive to create divisions and isolate ourselves in the warm comfort of factions. Recall, yesterday’s post: we don’t want to find the best way, we want our way to be best. And we’ll segregate and re-define the world until that’s possible. It’s easier to exclude those with different perspectives than to consider the validity of their ideas or allow them to help improve our thinking.

Of course, we’re so good at creating schisms that we’ll do it just for fun and amusement. I used to belong to a forum for a specific sports car. When the car was new many of the postings reveled in the smug glory of having a better car than the rest of the world. Soon, a suggestion was made – in the spirit of fun (I think) – to create unofficial factions based on whether one’s car was a light or dark color. This spawned good natured bickering over the merits of having, say, a dark blue car vs the yellow one. Then, after four years, the car was updated and it became first generation vs second generation. Never mind, that you had to be a true car geek to tell the difference, this was serious. One person even posted that to like the first generation was to hate the second generation. What? Within just a few years the unity of common interest degenerated into dozens of “us vs them” groups bickering over arbitrary distinctions.

That’s a simple example of how trivial it can be, but don’t we see this in everyday life at work? Ever work at a place where communication was challenging between departments and cooperation non-existence? Where the various departments were willing to hurt overall company performance just so their tiny fiefdom could “win” against other departments?

How sad when organizational performance suffers because of internal strife and distrust, because of redefining the company from a united “us” to separate pockets of “us – this department” vs “them – those other departments”. How pathetic when the competition is turned inward and the other departments are seen as bigger competitors than the company’s competition. We get ahead at the expense of the company and we all lose.

We can talk all day about gaining competitive advantage through better customer service, strategy, people, processes, etc. and it’s all meaningless as long as silos exist within the company. Silos and castle walls crumble and fall when we move the boundaries and stop defining it as “us vs. them” and start defining it as “Us”.

What say you?

the secret behind persuasion, change management, and talk radio political debates

People don’t want to discover the best solution. They want to believe their solution is best. And they are very threatened by data, evidence, or thoughts suggesting otherwise.